陌生人

Singapore. Katong. My room.

Memories. Hauntings. Ghosts.

I spent the entire early afternoon looking at Singapore related materials, just a stream of consciousness wandering in the cyberspace. From my friend’s posting on facebook I stumbled into various video clips of theatre productions in Singapore and then I realised these clips were made by a budding Singaporean film maker and so I went to his blog and I realised that I know his boyfriend and so I quizzed a mutual friend if they were indeed boyfriends and so I spent the next 30 mins checking out his photos and then….

I realized I was home sick.

I seldom miss the physical landscape.

it’s always the intangible, emotional, metaphysical memories that bubbles to the surface.

One of the videos on youtube had a guy in it, someone I slept with a long time ago. I gasped when I saw him, it has been that long, he looked older… but he looked the same.

would he say the same? would he even recognise me?

I so want to go back to Singapore for a Chinese New Year visit. I should but I can’t.

It pains me to watch these videos.

I should stop.

But I don’t.